A Matter of Honor
by adoctoraday
Summary: A sweltering summer in a beach town. An orphan mechanic. A Marine turned bar owner. Rey Kenobi is an orphaned mechanic living in the vacation town of Rodanthe, NC. When the surly owner of the Rebellion Bar-Kylo Ren-calls for a mechanic, he never expects the young woman who appears at his door. He never expects his entire world to change.


It was a hot day in Rodanthe, the air so humid it felt like wet velvet against your skin. People flocked to ice cream shops and bars, anyplace that had functioning air conditioning was fair game at this point.

The Rebellion Bar was open for business and packed to the gills with out of towners and locals alike, beer spilling into waiting mouths and music drifting out the door as it swung open and closed.

Kylo Ren hurried to pour beers, sling food, and take orders, his temper growing shorter as picky vacationers and screaming kids wore on his nerves. There was a sudden bang and then a mechanical whining noise, silencing the bar momentarily.

Kylo saw red.

His heart thundered as his hands curled into fists, eyes screwed shut in anger.

 _Fucking HVAC system from the fucking 60's!_ he fumed silently, glaring at people as he strode down the hallway to the mechanical room, barely restraining the urge to kick a kid out of his way.

Tossing the door open he glared at the smoke puffing out of the groaning mechanics, hurrying to turn off the system before he gave a low growl and kicked it, swearing as pain throbbed through his foot.

Taking a few deep breaths, he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, trying to contain himself, trying to use the meditation skills his Uncle Luke had taught him. He needed to call a repairman, and he knew the cost of fixing the system would likely destroy his meager savings.

Pulling his phone from his back pocket he quickly dialed the repair shop he normally used and frowned as the phone rang and rang and rang. After three more tries someone finally answered and told him they were booked solid—all the vacation homes, local homes, restaurants...everything was overtaxed and overheated.

"Call Plutt's and ask for Ray," the kid told him shortly before hanging up on him.

Kylo swore again and quickly googled to find Plutt's number, dialing it a moment later.

"Yea?" a low grumbling voice demanded, sounding annoyed.

"Is this Plutt?" Kylo demanded, pacing and casting a worried eye towards the HVAC system.

"Yea, whaddya want?" he growled.

"I was told to call and ask for Ray. I have an HVAC system that just made a banging noise and was puffing smoke until I shut it off. Can you get someone out here to take a look in the next ten minutes?" he snapped back.

A low grumbling noise came through the phone as the other man thought for a moment. "I can get Ray out there in the next thirty minutes, we're just as slammed as everyone else."

Kylo heaved a sigh and then nodded, "Fine, thank you." He recited the address and ended the call after the mouth breathing man confirmed it.

What was he going to do now? The heat would soon build and his customers would flee for better air-conditioned climes. With a low growl he slammed the mechanical room door behind him and strode forcefully out to the bar.

Sliding behind the long stretch of dark wood he gathered the bartenders and servers, keeping his voice low as he spoke to them. "Beer is half priced until the AC is fixed, only use half the regular amount of ice on water, we don't need to water shit down," he ordered.

They nodded and quickly dispersed, spreading the good news. Patrons seemed pleased despite the growing warmth and as the crowds of vacationers thinned, the regulars spread out and drank, enjoying the half-priced drinks.

Kylo slung beers and wiped down tables, making sure the kitchen had plenty of food, always keeping an eye on the clock. When an hour had gone by and no sign of the repairman from Plutt's came and went he went back to the mechanical room and dialed the repair shop.

"Yea?"

Biting back a curse he gritted out between clenched teeth, "Plutt, this is Kylo Ren at The Rebellion, is Ray ever gonna show up?" he demanded.

"Yea yea, we got like three other calls before yours. Ray will be there in thirty minutes," he grumbled, his voice like wet slate rocks sliding against each other.

"That's what you said an hour ago," Kylo spat.

"Ray'll be there," Plutt replied and hung up.

Kylo stared down at his phone, barely suppressing the urge to throw it across the room and smash it into a thousand pieces. He breathed slowly, trying to control his anger.

The door swung open and one of the waitresses rushed out an apology, letting him know that a customer was upset with their meal, wouldn't have it replaced with something else, and was growing belligerent.

His anger was forgotten as he strode out to deal with the customer, eventually comping their meal and sending them a fresh beer. Three more issues cropped up and before he knew it another hour and a half had passed.

The door to the bar swung open, ushering in a shimmering wave of humidity that left him scowling and plucking the fabric of his black tshirt away from his damp skin. A slight figure lumbered through the door, toolbox in hand and large black duffle bag on one shoulder.

When the door shut the lights illuminated the figure and his brows furrowed in confusion and surprise. The young woman was wearing a grey jumpsuit, the sleeves tied around her slim waist in a knot that kept the fabric up and allowed him to see that her grey tank top was sweaty and sticking to her skin.

Her hair was tied back in an odd series of three buns and still small pieces of her dark hair hung around her fine cheekbones. She looked around with some curiosity and hitched her bag higher on her shoulder as she approached the bar.

"Excuse me?" she called hesitantly to one of the bartenders, and Kylo could hear her ask for the owner as he made his way over. He tapped on her shoulder and quietly thanked the bartender before pointing down the hallway, leading the young woman to the mechanical room.

Shoving the door open he waved her in and leaned against the open-door frame, frowning as she set her things down and turned to him, pushing the hair out of her face. "So, what happened?" she asked, her voice liltingly musical with a British accent that sounded like the tinkling of china.

"Plutt didn't tell you?" Kylo demanded harshly, snorting when she shook her head. "Of course not," he drawled, rolling his eyes. "The HVAC system made a loud banging noise about three hours ago and when I came back here there was white smoke coming from the unit. I shut it off and it's stayed quiet since," he told her.

She nodded and frowned thoughtfully, "Sounds like a pump, but I'll get to work and let you know what it is and if anything needs replacing," she told him. She turned and knelt, opening her tool box and unzipping her duffle bag.

Her movements were a symphony of simplicity, efficiency, her fingers dancing over tools for a moment before selecting what she needed.

"Why did it take you almost three hours to get here when Plutt said you'd be here in thirty minutes?" Kylo demanded, his frown furrowing his forehead.

She glanced at him over her shoulder and frowned back, "I had six other calls before yours, I got here as quickly as I could," she said apologetically.

"Is your name even Ray?" he taunted, "You don't look like the typical beer gut-hairy backed men who are named Ray," he muttered.

To his surprise she laughed and smiled at him over her shoulder before shaking her head, "It's Rey; R-E-Y," she spelled out, "Rey Kenobi, and I'm sorry for the confusion."

He didn't say anything, her laughter had shaken him—it was bright and boisterous, lighting up her face for a moment before she continued working.

Kylo realized he was lurking in the doorway, watching her intently, probably creeping her out and slunk away, heading back out to the bar as the evening rush began and the bar began to fill up with thirsty, hot locals looking to escape the vacationing hordes.

Occasionally he would linger in the doorway and watch her work, the draw he felt to her pulling him back time and again. He couldn't shake the feeling that he knew her; there was something in her smile and eyes that attracted him, drawing him in like a moth to the flame.

He was chatting quietly with one of the local fisherman about the struggles the industry was facing because of climate change when a server tapped him on the shoulder and pointed, directing his attention to where Rey was standing, dirt and grease smudged on her hands and cheeks.

Hurrying over he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and guided her away from the noisy barroom and back towards his office. He could feel how thin her shoulder was beneath his hand, her bones as delicate as a bird's.

A shivery burning sensation filled him from where his hand rested on her flesh, a tingling running under his skin so sharply that he yanked his hand away and tucked it into his pocket, carefully avoiding touching her as he shoved his office door open.

Waving for her to take a seat he sank into his chair and swore as it rocked, the broken wheel on the left side rocking and sending him careening. Rey smothered a laugh and leaned forward, peering over the desk in interest, "Do you want me to fix that?" she offered.

He scowled and shook his head, "It's fine. Just old," he grumbled irritably.

She lifted a brow but didn't say anything at that, nodding apprehensively. "Okay, well the problem is that there's a seal leak and a damaged pump shaft. I rigged a fix for you on the leak, but the shaft I'll have to order you parts for. It'll take a day to get them, and I'll be back to fix it probably Saturday," she told him.

Kylo's brow furrowed, "Do I want to know how much extra weekend work is?" he snapped.

Rey frowned at him, "I work seven days a week, for a flat rate. I don't charge extra for weekends or holidays," she replied somewhat testily.

Kylo huffed in surprise and stared at her, his frown deepening as he realized just how young she was. _She can't be more than 20,_ he thought incredulously. "How old are you?" he demanded suddenly, startling her.

Rey frowned at him and brushed a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear, "I'll be 22 in November," she replied softly.

 _She's just a kid!_

His eyes roamed over her slowly, assessing the way her cheekbones gleamed in the faint light and her collarbones pushed delicately against her tawny skin. She was sun bronzed and had a spattering of freckles across her nose.

When their eyes met she lifted a brow and he realized he was staring. His gaze darted away as a flush rose on his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he nodded, "How much do I owe you?" he demanded roughly.

"Nothing for today. After I order the parts and come back to finish the repairs I'll itemize a bill for you," she replied evenly. "I wouldn't use the system, the repair on the leak won't hold if there's too much strain and this constant heat won't help."

Sighing heavily, he nodded and ran a hand over his face, "More half priced beer it is," he grumbled, annoyed.

A cell phone began ringing and he watched as Rey darted out of her chair to answer it, turning her back on him. Her thin shoulders were tense and her voice was low, allowing him to hear the other person shouting.

"Stupid girl...wasting time...three more...get moving!"

With every bawled order Rey's shoulders tensed further, her whole body rigid with fear. Kylo glared at the phone, his intense dislike of Plutt growing with each moment.

"I'm sorry...I've already done six...okay, okay," Rey murmured, her shoulders flinching when Plutt swore at her before hanging up.

She sighed heavily and slowly tucked her phone back into her pocket before straightening and turning back to Kylo. He could see the strain on her face as she gave him a half smile, "My apologies. I have to get going. I'll let you know when I've placed the order on the parts and when I'll be back," she told him in a soft, worn voice.

Kylo nodded and stood, walking her out and watching her from the small foyer as she trudged tiredly to a worn grey van with the name "Plutt's Repairs" written on the side. She sat in the seat for a long time, and he could see that she was eating a snack bar of some kind, grimacing as she drank coffee.

After just a few minutes she wiped her mouth and sighed before buckling her seatbelt and pulling out of the parking lot. Kylo watched the van disappear, taking the intriguing young woman with it.

He turned back into the bar and sighed, letting the monotony of the job numb him, trying to forget the enigmatic young woman who had so distracted him.

Kylo swore as he worked on the finances; this broken HVAC and heat wave was killing their profits. Rubbing a hand over his face he shook his head and slammed the lid of his laptop shut, swearing softly.

If he didn't take a paycheck for the next month or two he would hold steady. He was lucky the locals were loyal; he had bought the bar on foreclosure after returning from Afghanistan, pouring all his energy and nightmarish anger into the building until it was customer ready.

Grabbing the laptop, he stormed up the back stairs to his apartment above the bar and tugged his shirt over his head, tossing it aside and kicking off his shoes before he went over to his boxing bag, throwing bare knuckle punches until his skin split and his bones ached.

The anger within him subsided and he breathed heavily, shaking his sweaty hair back from his face as he went to the small kitchen for a tall glass of water. Stepping out onto the patio he watched people stroll down the streets and along the beach in the dark, occasionally illuminated by streetlamps, the crash of the waves soothing.

Wiping a towel over his face he went to the shower and cleaned himself before the water even heated, dressing in a pair of athletic shorts and a black tank top, his sandals slapping softly against the wood as he headed for the beach.

He walked slowly through the sand, pondering his options.

The bar had been doing well for the past year, but it was growing harder for him to run it by himself. His former unit-mate Armitage Hux had emailed him last week, hinting that he was looking to get out and do something less...bloody.

Kylo smirked softly, recalling when he had first met the arrogant ginger. The man's whiney British accent had earned him the title of "Lord Hux" which had annoyed the man until he had begun using it to order the men around, haughtily demanding they bow in his presence.

Once they were in Kandahar though, the jokes had dwindled as each man became haunted. His unit had been paired with the inscrutable Agent Snoke, a tall, thin man who had never told them which agency he was with, but none of them were stupid, they knew CIA when they saw it.

Snoke had ordered them to hunt and kill high priority targets, engaging in extralegal activities including smuggling, murder, and torture. Each mission killed something inside him, darkening his soul and breaking his mind until he was constantly on edge, ready to snap.

It was Kylo's unit that was sent into a deathtrap of a valley to take out a target deemed "highest priority," and yet when they went in, there was no plan for exfil, no air support, and five of his men died.

His snapping point had been found.

When they returned to base Kylo had launched himself at Snoke, pummeling the man until he had nearly smashed the man's skull in, leaving the older man with a deep gash in his bald pate that snarled his eye socket and turned his face into a permanent mask of wrath.

In turn Kylo had been beaten senseless, one of the CIA operatives slashing his face and leaving him permanently scarred. He had been given a medical discharge—PTSD they said—and sent him back with a handful of medals and a bank account full of hush money.

His mother, Senator Leia Organa had tried to find out what he had been involved in and been stonewalled at every turn—in particular from her son. He never wanted her to know the blackest things he had done, the evil he had committed for his country, the darkness that now tainted his soul.

So intent on his thoughts, he didn't see who it was coming toward him until they had collided and he stumbled back a step. Looking around in confusion he realized there was a small figure at his feet and he frowned when he realized it was the mechanic—Rey.

Stretching out a hand he waited till her smaller one was encased in his and tugged, lifting her easily to her feet.

Too easily it turned out, as she came lurching into his chest with a huff, her small hands clasping at his arms for balance.

"Ooof...sorry, I wasn't looking," Kylo muttered shaking his head, his long dark locks falling against his cheeks.

"That's fine. Excuse me," Rey murmured, her voice low and troubled, trying to edge past him.

"Wait!" Kylo exclaimed, halting her with a hand to her wrist.

She turned wide eyes on him and he released her at the panicked look on her face, taking a step back to try and reassure her. "Sorry," he muttered, "I just...I wanted to talk to you," he told her lamely, a confused rush of emotions flowing through him.

Rey stared at him for a minute and then nodded, "Okay, I'm going that way," she murmured, pointing back the way he had come. Kylo nodded and turned, taking a step, pausing to look at her for confirmation, and then continuing on when she joined him.

They walked in silence for a few minutes until he ventured to ask, "Are you from here? I don't remember seeing you before," he murmured, glancing over at her occasionally, nervous excitement filling him at her presence, his skin buzzing.

She shook her head, "My family was from Westminster, England originally but we came to the States when I was five. My mum was starting a new professorship at Duke and my dad was a surgeon at Duke Cardiology. We had only been here six months when a drunk driver hit their car after a movie and killed them both."

Kylo exhaled sharply and shook his head, "I'm sorry," he murmured softly, grief welling up at the memory of his own father's death. He knew the pain she must have felt. That he _still_ felt.

Rey gave him a weak side smile, "It's in the past," she replied.

Nodding, he remained silent. He understood that attitude, he tried to keep his past out of his head and more often than not failed. "How did you end up here?" he asked softly, brow furrowed.

"Foster care. I bumped around for years all over the state until I was placed with Unkar Plutt at 12 and I've been here since," she replied quietly.

They lapsed into silence as they walked until she glanced up at him and opened her mouth to ask something before hesitating and looking away.

"I was a Marine," he offered, guessing at what she had been wondering. He felt a strange connection with the young woman, an urge to tell her the truth, to lay all his secrets bare before her and ask for a verdict on his soul.

She nodded and didn't ask anything else, allowing that to be all the explanation she needed. "How long were you away?" she asked softly, glancing up at him through the darkness, her eyes darting over his large form.

 _Away_...what a way to say _at war killing people_.

Kylo sighed softly and shook his head, "I enlisted when I was 18, right after 9/11. I was in training for a year, and then had three tours of three years each in Iraq and Afghanistan, except for the last year which was only one year. I was medically discharged and sent home to rot," he growled, anger swirling in his veins.

Rey's hand landed on his forearm, pulling him to a halt beside her as she frowned up at him. She felt like she couldn't move, the intensity of his gaze held her in place as she stared back at him.

"Do you regret it?" she asked softly and surprise rippled through him.

Most people wanted to know if he had killed anyone, what type of guns he used, what it had been like...their prurient interest sickened him.

His mouth worked as he tried to formulate a response, feeling like his throat was constricted with emotion. Rey squeezed his arm softly and nodded, understanding filling her eyes, "It's okay, shh," she whispered.

Her sweetness felt like sunshine on his soul, he flinched away from her touch and strode away, leaving her staring after him. He didn't deserve her kindness, her sweet reassurances. The things he had done had marred his soul.

A woman with a light like hers could never understand.

The heat wave continued, turning the pavement into a shimmering sea of black. Movement became a chore, and the Rebellion was packed to the gills with people sucking down half priced beers and water, trying to stay cool.

Kylo wandered past the mechanical room and checked on Rey, watching as she worked tirelessly on the HVAC system. She had been there for an hour and had already told him it would take her awhile to finish—she had to take everything apart and reassemble it.

Time slipped by until the Saturday afternoon rush slowed and the bar emptied. He went to the kitchen and ordered her a burger and fries, grabbing a tall glass of ice water for Rey in the meantime.

Rey was elbows deep in the HVAC system, her brow furrowed as she worked. A bead of sweat rolled down her brow and she heaved a sigh in frustration, pulling her hands away to look up at him as he approached.

Kylo held out the water, "Here," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his neck when she took it with a softly surprised smile. She drank eagerly, draining the glass in just a few breaths, her chest shuddering as the ice water slid through her veins.

"How's it going?" he asked quietly, crouching down to try and peer into the murky depths of the machinery.

"I think there's a valve missing. I didn't see it before because it's further into the system than I looked. If I don't replace it, this will just happen again," she said with a frustrated sigh, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth with a frown.

Kylo nodded slowly, "Do you need to come back?" he asked softly, hoping she would say yes, hoping he would get to see her again.

Her eyes were tired when she looked up at him, nodding. "I've got three other calls today that I have to get done. If you don't mind I'll come back tomorrow and finish what I can. I think I can get the valve for you from scrap, it won't be new, but it'll be new enough."

He thought about it and she hurried to explain, "Almost new is still used, but I don't put parts in without knowing they'll last. If I rework your system a little bit I can make it more efficient by at least half, it'll just take some off-market parts," she told him.

Lifting a brow at her excited explanation Kylo nodded, smiling faintly, "Ok. The bar is closed in the morning, we don't open till 5pm on Sundays," he explained, "but if you want to, I'll come and open up for you early," he told her.

Her eyes widened at the offer and he bit his lip to hide his smile, watching as she nodded slowly, "That would be great, I could get here and get it done early for you," she told him, her eyes calculating and bright.

"Great, message me when you're on your way over tomorrow morning," he told her, rising to his feet suddenly to tower over her. Her eyes went wider at his imposing form, a flush rising in her cheeks and he wondered suddenly if he was scaring her.

He had seen that look in people's eyes and he hated it.

"I should get back to it," he mumbled, stepping back and stumbling on one of her tools, a hard flush rising on his face as he bolted, cursing his clumsy limbs.

Rey smothered a smile at Kylo's awkward exit, thinking with a soft laugh how much he reminded her of a young colt just learning to use its gawky new limbs.

As she went back to work she contemplated the mysterious former soldier; his features weren't classically handsome, yet she found herself inexplicably drawn to him.

With a slightly too large nose and ears that weren't so well hidden by his rich mane of black hair, he had an almost aristocratic appearance that would have been haughty if not for the full lips that curled into infrequent but stunning smiles.

She was trying to hurry and finish her work when a knock at the door startled her into looking away. A waitress smiled from the doorway and slipped into the room, holding out a Styrofoam container and a plastic to-go cup.

"Burger and fries with water," she murmured, holding it out to Rey.

Brow furrowed she knelt and leaned up to take it, "I didn't order this," she replied quietly, trying to fight her growling stomach and the pit of hunger in her that was nearly constant.

"Kylo sent it. Said you probably needed to eat before you went to your other appointments," she replied.

"Huh...well thank you—and him," Rey murmured, waiting till the waitress had left to flip open the container and descend upon the food. She didn't know why Kylo had sent her food, but she wasn't going to reject a free meal when she was so hungry.

When she had finished eating and gathered her tools and bags, she slipped out of the bar, waving goodbye to an overwhelmed looking Kylo.

His brief smile sent a shiver over her skin, heat curling in her belly as she hurried away.

When Rey climbed into her van that night she was weary and sore. She had been working since 6am, and had finished her last call just after 9pm. After showering at the local YMCA she took her clothes to the laundromat and spent some of her hard earned change to wash the small wardrobe she owned.

She parked by the beach, locking the doors and cracking one of the front windows so the cool, fresh air could clear out the interior of the van. It was a risk to leave a window cracked, but she didn't fancy suffocating in the heat so it was a risk worth taking.

Unrolling her sleeping bag, she fluffed her pillow and laid down, exhaustion and hunger panging within her.

The burger from the bar was long gone, but it had filled her stomach, chasing away the aching sensation that resided within her. She ate a protein bar as she reflected gratefully on the fact that she would be earning more than normal this summer because of the heat wave.

She had a small savings hidden in a floor panel of the van, enough for her to buy gas, food, and wash her clothes once a week. She was saving for an apartment, someplace real to call home, but she feared she wouldn't ever have the funds needed.

 _Home_...some vague recollection of bustling streets and firm hands holding hers as they strolled past a clocktower called Ben.

Rey smiled and curled up on her sleeping bag, drifting happily into the void.

 _I'm on my way. ETA 5 minutes._

Kylo stared at the text from Rey and swallowed past the apprehension and nervousness in his gut, hurrying down the stairs to the bar, flipping on the lights in his office and the mechanical room before she got there.

A knock at the door drew him to the front of the bar, nerves making him stumble over his own feet and ram his shoulder into the doorframe. Cursing, he fumbled with the lock far longer than normal and flung the door open, blinking into the bright early morning light.

Rey waved a hand and smiled up at him, "Morning," she murmured, her eyes bright despite the dark circles beneath them. Kylo nodded, swallowing nervously as he stepped back to allow her in, watching as she headed for the mechanical room.

He shadowed her, watching the way her slim hips swayed as she walked. He hovered in the doorway, watching as she unpacked her tools. "I appreciate you coming early," he told her quietly, shoving a hand through his hair.

She nodded and smiled up at him from where she was kneeling, "It's no problem, it works best for my schedule and it gets you taken care of right away. I don't like letting work linger. Besides, no customer likes waiting in this heat for me to get things fixed," she assured him.

Kylo noted the parts she was pulling out of her bag and pointed to them, "Are those the used parts?" he asked.

She nodded, "I scavenge parts and repair them, make them more efficient, whatever I need to to keep costs down for my customers." She smiled up at him, "But don't worry, they're still good."

Her stomach grumbled loudly and Kylo lifted a brow, smirking. "Have you eaten breakfast?" he asked doubtfully.

Rey flushed and shook her head, "I had a protein bar, I'm fine," she assured him.

He frowned at her and she looked away in embarrassment, cheeks flushing.

"I'll make you something," he told her before disappearing from the doorway.

Rey stared after him in shock and then bolted to her feet, following him to the kitchen. "Wait! I'm not taking your _charity_!" she scolded indignantly.

Kylo glanced over his shoulder at her and lifted a brow, "It's not charity. You're hungry, I have food, problem solved" he told her succinctly.

Rey frowned and shook her head, "I'm _fine_ ," she snapped.

Kylo turned, his large hands full of eggs, bacon and hash browns. Rey's stomach grumbled loudly at the sight and Kylo smirked, "You _sound_ fine," he retorted dryly.

Rey flushed and folded her arms over her chest, annoyed at her body's betrayal. As Kylo began to cook and the scent of the food wafted to her hungry stomach she drifted closer to the stove, watching as he cooked.

"You're good at this," she murmured, surprised.

"Necessity," he replied, "My parents weren't around a lot when I was a kid so I had to fend for myself," he told her. She nodded, she knew plenty about that.

"Are they still around?" she asked softly, watching as he turned the bacon.

His face darkened and she worried he wouldn't answer as he rolled a shoulder, looking distinctly uncomfortable. After a few long moments of silence, he sighed and then spoke.

"My mom is a Senator, she's been in politics since I was a little kid and was always campaigning or fundraising or in DC. My dad was a smuggler, he would go into war zones and conflict regions and get supplies to the citizens or smuggle people out of harm's way. He was killed in Kandahar three years ago," Kylo told her quietly, struggling against the tidal wave of emotion surging within him.

He focused on the bacon for a few moments, blinking furiously against the tears burning in his eyes. Rey's hand landed on his arm and squeezed gently, "I'm very sorry," she murmured.

He nodded and stared down at the food, speaking quietly. "I went to stay with my Uncle Luke when I was fourteen since my parents weren't there and learned hand to hand combat and meditation. He's a retired Marine, fought in Vietnam and is a pacifist or some shit now," he muttered, the old grievances rising up.

"Is that why you joined the Marines?" she asked softly, handing him the eggs when he pointed to them.

Kylo nodded, "Yea. It was also a huge _fuck you_ to my parents, especially my dad. They didn't want me to do it, so I went all in; Marine Corp Special Forces," he told her.

Rey's brows rose at that; she'd heard that Special Forces weren't just soldiers, they were killers. She reevaluated the man before her and this time when she took in his height and thickly muscular body she saw the years of discipline and training it had taken to become the man before her.

Kylo felt her gaze on him and felt the tips of his ears burn, wondering what she was thinking. He slid the hot bacon, eggs and hash browns onto a plate for her, holding it out with a no nonsense look.

Rey gratefully took the plate and the glass of juice he poured, following him to the main bar and seating herself across from him at a small table.

"How did you get into mechanic work?" Kylo asked curiously, leaning forward to study her over the rim of his coffee mug.

Rey shifted uncomfortably under his stare and swallowed her bite of food before answering. "I was sent to Unkar Plutt at 12 and because I was so tiny, he used me to repair parts that were hard to reach. I picked it up fast and for a long time he didn't pay me for the work. Once I was 16 though, I threatened to report him for underage labor violations and he started paying me."

"Not much, but it was still pay," she continued after another bite. "This heat wave is bad for everyone else but it's helping me save for someplace to live," she admitted. "Hopefully I'll get enough together to find someplace cheap around here. Then I can start saving for school," she told him.

"College? You've never been?" he asked, surprised.

Rey shook her head, "Unkar said it was too expensive to waste on me. But I'd like to get a degree in engineering," she told him shyly. "Did you go?" she asked curiously, hoping to turn the topic from her.

Kylo nodded, "The first two years I was back I went and got an associate's degree in business management and economics. I knew I wanted to run a business and I had bought this place, and I wanted to run it right."

"What was it like?" Rey asked curiously.

"College?"

She nodded.

Kylo laughed softly, "I was about ten years older than everyone there and studied my ass off, never partying, and I lived here at the bar. So not your typical American college experience," he told her with a faint smile.

Rey smiled, "I suppose I'll just have to find out someday," she replied jokingly. Kylo smiled faintly and they fell quiet for a moment, the silence comfortable and easy. Rey glanced at him sidelong, her gaze falling on his full lips as he sipped his coffee.

She wondered for a moment what it would feel like to kiss those lips and then flushed when his gaze caught hers, his brow rising in question. Glancing away, she ate faster, clearing her plate in a rush.

Before Rey could stop him, Kylo took her plate and disappeared, leaving her to sit nervously for a moment before rising and hurrying back to the mechanical room. She went to work, pulling the mechanics apart, adding and removing parts as she worked to make the system more efficient.

Kylo worked on the bar's financials and replied to Hux, asking him to come visit, mentioning how the bar could use another set of hands. Marines were brothers and sisters in arms, if one needed something, another stepped up to help.

When his ass was growing sore from sitting he went to refresh his coffee and stopped by the room where Rey was working, hesitating outside when he heard her on the phone.

"Unkar, I'm working, I can't go take another call. No, I'll be here until I finish. No. Can't you..." she sighed heavily, "Fine. Send me the information and I'll get over there as soon as I can," she told Unkar.

Kylo stepped around the corner and watched as she whirled towards him, panic on her face for a brief moment before it slid into resignation.

"I'm sorry, Unkar's just called, there's a B&B that needs their HVAC fixed asap, they're paying double and he told me to go. If I go now I can be back here by dinner," she told him, sounding weary.

"I'll discount my work since I've been so flaky," she reassured him, "You won't have to pay for me leaving."

Kylo frowned, "I don't care about that, but it sounds like this Unkar is a piece of shit who overworks you," he growled, anger on her behalf swelling within him.

Rey shrugged, "It means more money, so I can't really complain." She knelt and began gathering her things, hurriedly shoving them in her bag and toolbox before rising to smile warily at him, "I promise, I'll be back."

Kylo nodded and stepped aside for her, watching as she scurried out of his bar once more.

He had been thinking about her all day, his hands working nearly independently of his brain as he poured beer and served food. He wondered just how many hours this Unkar worked Rey, and why she didn't just go to another mechanic shop.

She seemed wildly capable and was obviously a hard worker, any shop in town would be eager to have her. He wondered if he could make any calls and encourage her to find a new place, somewhere that she would be free to eat, work on a sane schedule, go to college perhaps.

He was checking on the kitchen when a server ran in, eyes wide. "Two taps just broke and the jukebox died. People are pissed there's no music and the beer isn't flowing."

Kylo swore viscously, throwing the dirty plates in his hands into the sink with a sharp clatter of broken crockery. The kitchen paused for a moment, each of them wondering if his anger would manifest in more broken china.

Taking deep even breaths, Kylo slowed his heart rate and nodded, "Okay, I'll take care of the music. Comp anyone who tried to re-order any of the beers that aren't available and offer them a free beer or equally priced drink."

The woman nodded and hurried away, leaving him to turn and stride quickly for his apartment above the bar, hurrying to grab his two IHome speakers and his docking station. He placed the two speakers in the bar and docked his phone behind the bar, turning on a Spotify radio and sighing in relief when the music filled the room to an acceptable level.

When the door to the bar swung open and Rey stepped in, Kylo thought he might cry in relief. He hurried her back to the mechanical room and shut the door behind them, running a hand through his hair repeatedly as he paced the small floor.

Rey watched him with wide eyes, thinking how much he looked like a predator, anxious and dark and deeply attractive. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, staring up at him as he turned to frown at her.

"Our jukebox just shit the bed and two beer taps are out. I'm losing money hand over fist with this heat wave and the half-priced beer and now _this_?!" he growled, turning to kick the HVAC system repeatedly, denting the metal with his forceful blows.

Rey darted forward and grabbed onto his bicep, pulling with all her strength until he stumbled back and stopped trying to kick the HVAC. He glared down at her and she frowned at him, "If you mess up my hard work I'll charge you double," she told him, "and that's the last thing you need from what I'm hearing. You have every right to be angry, but please, don't take it out on the innocent machinery," she murmured jokingly.

Kylo stared at her for a moment before laughing bitterly, nodding and running a hand restlessly through his hair. He turned away and resumed pacing, feeling her eyes on him as he moved.

"Kylo, it's fine, I'll just repair what's broken," she murmured.

He rounded on her, shaking his head, "I can't afford it, that's the problem. I'll barely be able to cover paying you for that," he told her angrily, pointing to the HVAC. He ran a hand over his face and contemplated his options, wondering if maybe he could sell some of his dad's things to cover the costs.

He had the hush money, but he had sworn he would never use it. It was tainted with blood and death, and he didn't want to keep his business alive with that shit.

Maybe he could rent out that extra apartment beside his...

Kylo stilled as an idea shivered through him. He looked up at Rey with wide eyes, "Rey, you need some place to live, right?" he demanded. She nodded warily and hope sprang up within him. "I have an extra apartment upstairs beside mine. I'll let you live there for free if you'll do these repairs for free and work for the bar as our mechanic. You can eat here for half price, there's a washer and dryer in the unit, and I'll pay you for your work."

He stared at her hopefully as she stared back in shock, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly open.

"I-I I can't," she whispered, shaking her head, "Unkar would kill me," she told him.

"He has to know how good you are and that he'd lose you to someone else eventually," Kylo responded, frustrated with her refusal.

Rey shook her head jerkily, "No, you don't understand. He kept a tally of how much it cost to keep me, he won't let me leave until I pay it all back," she told him.

Rage swelled in Kylo, "What do you mean he won't let you leave?" he demanded between gritted teeth.

Rey stepped back hesitantly and Kylo realized he was scaring her. His fists clenched and he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

"He has my passport and identification papers. I can't leave the country or travel without them, he's sworn he'll destroy them. The van is his too, if I came to work here I wouldn't have any way to get to work sites," she explained.

"You can use my truck," he told her hurriedly. "I'll go with you to get your papers. He can't keep them from you," he told her, upset at the thought of some money-hungry man hurting Rey.

Rey contemplated the prospect of getting away from Unkar and his money grubbing. Of actually having a place to call home. Of being someplace _safe_.

Kylo let her think, hardly daring to hope she would say yes, praying that she would.

Finally, she nodded slowly. "Okay. I'd like to finish my work before we go over," she murmured worriedly.

Kylo shook his head, "If we wait until then, I'll be swamped here. I can leave now with you for an hour before things get crazy," he told her. He watched as Rey contemplated this and sighed softly in relief when she nodded.

Rey gathered her things as he went to let the servers know he'd be stepping out for an hour. If anything crazy happened, they could call him. When Kylo met her out in the parking lot, they agreed to have her lead him to the shop and drive her back.

Kylo's fingers drummed restlessly on the steering wheel as he drove, anxiety filling him. When they pulled into the parking lot, he met Rey at her van, "Why don't any of your personal belongings into my truck before we go in?" he suggested.

Rey flushed and avoided his gaze, one of her tiny hands wrapped around her arm. He could see embarrassment on her face and watched her throat work before he reached out and gently gripped her shoulder.

"Rey? What's wrong?" he asked softly, waiting for her eyes to meet his.

She sighed and hung her head, "I live in the van," she whispered so softly he barely caught the words.

Kylo was stunned. How was this sweet woman homeless? How had her foster father allowed this to happen?

Rage swelled within him, hot and fast.

"Put your things in my truck," he ordered tightly, "I'll be out in a few minutes."

Rey's head snapped up at his tone, eyes wide with worry. "What are you going to do?" she demanded quietly.

Kylo squeezed her shoulder and stepped away, "I'm going to get your belongings," he murmured darkly.

She watched as he walked away, his shoulders rigid with anger. When the door swung shut behind him she flinched and then hurried to unload the van, carrying her tools, clothes, and money to Kylo's truck.

A roar from inside the building startled her, fear thumping in her chest as she took a step forward and then hesitated, staring at the door. A few minutes later the door burst open to reveal a deeply disheveled Kylo holding a manila envelope.

As he got closer Rey gasped in shock; one of his eyes was blackening, a cut above his brow was weeping blood and there was a slight hitch in his step. He loomed over her in the dark, wrapping a huge hand around her bicep and pushing her none to gently towards the truck.

Kylo pushed her into the truck and flung himself into the driver's seat, wincing for a moment before he threw the vehicle into reverse and peeled out of the lot. Rey remained silent as he drove, heart thundering.

When the truck pulled behind the bar and Kylo shut off the lights, the engine ticked softly as they sat in silence.

"Are you okay?" Rey asked softly.

Kylo made a faint noise in his throat, turning his face away from her as he spoke, "I got your papers. Unkar won't be bothering you," he told her. They sat for another moment before Kylo slid from the truck and headed for the back stairs.

Rey followed him up the stairs, her tool box in one hand and her duffel bags over the other shoulder. Kylo pointed to the first door on the left, "That's my apartment," he murmured, "This is yours," he explained, unlocking the second door on the left and waving her in.

As the lights flipped on Rey breathed out in delight. The whole apartment was hard wood floors and beams of exposed wood, large windows overlooked the beach and a breeze from the open door carried the delightful scent of a sea breeze.

Kylo was walking around, pointing out amenities when he finally realized that Rey wasn't following, she was still rooted to the spot in the doorway, tears streaking down her face.

Shock rumbled through him, he hurried over to her, approaching warily. "Rey?" he murmured softly.

"It's _beautiful_ ," she rasped out, joy shining in her eyes as she looked up at him. Her lower lip quivered and she sniffled, "I've never..." she inhaled sharply and shook her head, "I've never lived someplace so beautiful."

Her belongings thumped to the ground and in a breath, she was stepping towards him, her slim arms winding around his waist and her face pressing into his chest. Surprise squeezed his heart and he tentatively placed his large hands on her back, his palms flattening against her body.

He could feel her soft breaths against his chest, and the soft scent of her skin invaded his senses.

"Thank you Kylo," she whispered before pulling away and smiling softly up at him.

A flush rose on his cheeks and he glanced away bashfully, "I can help you get some furniture tomorrow, for tonight you're welcome to sleep in my apartment."

Rey frowned softly, "I don't want to put you out," she replied nervously.

Kylo shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, "It's no problem. I'll take the couch," he told her with a smile. "If you want to take a shower over there while I go downstairs and check on things, you're welcome to."

A shower sounded so wonderful to Rey that she nearly cried again. Nodding happily, she took the keys he offered and followed him over to his apartment, marveling once more at the beauty within.

Kylo left after a short explanation of the shower and tv, leaving her in silence. Rey showered until her fingers pruned and her skin was flushed. She dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, padding out to the living room to watch tv.

When Kylo returned an hour later with dinner for them both, she swallowed around a lump in her throat, joy filling her.

They watched some action movie together, Rey laughing when Kylo muttered about plot inconsistencies with the guns and bombs. Eventually exhaustion overwhelmed her and she fell asleep, her head falling onto his shoulder.

Kylo stared at her in wonder, hesitantly reaching up to trace his fingers gently over her cheek, stilling when she stirred restlessly. In a gentle movement he wrapped an arm under her knees and lifted her, worrying at her light weight in his arms.

Settling her down into his bed, Kylo tucked the covers around her and stared at her for a long few minutes. The sight of her in his bed made his stomach burn with desire, the feel of her in his arms made him burn with the urge to protect her, and that more than anything scared him.

He wasn't a good man, Unkar Plutt could attest to that he thought darkly, and he certainly didn't deserve a sweet woman like Rey.

In the next two weeks Rey repaired the HVAC system and made it more efficient, fixed the jukebox, cleaned and repaired the beer taps, and replaced the wheel on Kylo's office chair. Word spread through the town and beyond that Rey was working independently and her phone was soon flooded with requests for work, far more than when she had worked with Plutt's.

People had been eager to tell her that they hated Plutt and only came to him because of her skills. Now that she was a free agent, she took in 100% of the profits and was able to furnish her new apartment.

When she wasn't busy on calls she helped out at the bar, serving food and making friends with locals.

It was a quiet Wednesday afternoon, she and Kylo were playing darts—she was losing spectacularly and Kylo was laughing as he tried to show her how to better throw the darts—his arms around her, one at her waist and the other on her shoulder, guiding her to a better posture.

Heat simmered under Rey's skin at his proximity; she could smell the cologne he wore and feel his long hair brushing against her shoulder teasingly. His voice was low in her ear and his hand squeezed her hip in encouragement as she went to throw another dart.

The pair flinched apart when the door swung open and a tall red-haired man strode in. Kylo flushed and stepped rapidly away from Rey, rubbing a hand over his neck as he grinned sheepishly at her.

"Ren!" the man declared, grinning as he strode towards them. Kylo grinned back and grabbed the other man, pounding on his back as they embraced.

"How are you mate?" the man asked, squeezing Kylo's shoulder as his gaze flitted to Rey. "And who is this lovely bird?" he drawled with a lascivious smile.

Kylo frowned faintly and shook his head, "Same as ever, huh Lord Hux?" he joked dryly.

"Fuck off," Hux replied with a sharp laugh, his blue eyes twinkling with good humor.

Both men laughed and Kylo turned to Rey, waving her forward. "This is my neighbor and mechanic, Rey Kenobi." He smiled at Rey, "Rey, this is Armitage Hux, one of my platoon-mates," he explained.

She nodded and smiled politely, extending her hand to Hux, "Nice to meet you, and hear a familiar accent," she told him with a grin.

"Bloody fantastic to not be the only Brit in this god forsaken country," Hux retorted with a laugh, eliciting a shy giggle from Rey.

"If it's so god forsaken, why didn't you go back to England?" Kylo shot back, a wry smirk on his full lips.

"Ahh mate, I would have missed your handsome face far too much!" Hux joked, eliciting a flush from Kylo and a swift middle finger in retaliation. As the men laughed Rey gathered the darts and listened to their joking, a faint smile on her face.

She hadn't seen Kylo this lighthearted since she had begun living above the bar. Clearly this Hux man was a good friend. She hoped that having him around would make running the bar a little easier on Kylo.

In the few weeks that she had been here Kylo had been upset and angry at the financial situation the Rebellion was facing. The summer heat streak was coming to a close with the end of the summer drawing near, and profits weren't as strong as they had been last summer.

She had helped as much as possible by not taking any pay while she bused tables, but it wasn't enough to make the profits rise enough to cover the repairs that had to be completed.

With a sigh she left the men to talk and went to her apartment, sinking down on her worn couch to fiddle with a scrapped fuel pump, searching for ways to make it produce clean energy when used.

She had begun to think that her goal of attending college might actually be in her reach. Kylo had lent her his laptop to do research on local programs, never complaining when she sat for hours searching and comparing prices and courses.

If she saved her money for the next six months she would likely have enough to start a few classes in the spring.

A renewed sense of hope filled Rey; her life had taken an unexpected turn for the better when she had met Kylo, and she was cautious to let herself feel it too much. Too many times in the past hope had been stolen away brutally and she had been left alone and hopeless.

She made a silent resolution; no more.

From here on out she would be hopeful. She would make plans for the future and fight for them. She would be happy.

"So tell me honestly mate, what's with the pretty young thing?" Hux asked seriously, sipping on a beer as he and Kylo stared out at the beach from his balcony.

Kylo flushed and shook his head, "Nothing, she's just a friend. She's the bar's mechanic, I pay her, she fixes things."

"That's all?" Hux asked with a lift of the brow, "You seemed _awfully_ cozy with her when I arrived."

Kylo scowled at him, "It's nothing. It can't be anything," he muttered, taking a long sip of beer, trying to ignore his friend.

"Mate, this is the first bird you've shown even a remote interest in in all the years I've known you. Why can't it be anything?" Hux demanded eyeing Kylo with annoyance.

"Because! She's sweet! And innocent! She doesn't deserve some...half broken, crazy _killer_ ," Kylo spat, his chest so tight with the fury of emotion he felt almost breathless. His free hand clenched and unclenched as he breathed hard, fighting the urge to hit something.

Hux wisely didn't say anything, he knew Kylo's predisposition to violence when angered. Maybe if he hadn't gone through the hell they had he would have been able to temper it better, but the forge of war had destroyed what little self control the man had previously been capable of.

It was Hux who had pulled him off Agent Snoke but hadn't been fast enough to prevent the CIA agents detailed to their unit from nearly beating him to death. For that, he would never forgive himself.

When Kylo had drained his beer Hux finally spoke. "I haven't seen you this happy before Ren. If it's because of the girl, you should do something about it," he murmured before swigging the last of his beer and rising to his feet.

With a lazy salute he strode from Kylo's apartment and left the other man to brood in the growing dark.

 _The sharp popping of gunfire was nearly deafening, raging around him in a storm of fire and death. Men screamed high and agonized, like wounded animals before their voices abruptly cut off with wet gurgles._

 _They were surrounded._

 _There was no way out._

 _Fear and fury slid through his veins and he gathered his shredded courage before gripping his gun and sprinting for the village, gunfire popping around him like demented firecrackers._

 _He fired rapidly, killing in sharp bursts, whirling as a man snuck up on him and firing—sending him to hell with three bullets to the head. He didn't bother with body shots, they all wore Kevlar anyway._

 _His gun clicked empty a few minutes later and he rapidly began shucking the barren clip, rushing to get a new one in when a man rounded the corner, screaming and pointing a gun at him._

 _His knife was in his hands before he knew it and slamming into the man's throat, cutting off his war cry with a guttural cry of his own. The man's eyes went wide as he ripped the knife out, taking his trachea with it, blood rushing hot and fast over his bare hands and splattering on his cheeks like some gruesome rain._

 _He couldn't stop._

 _More men came in a seemingly endless onslaught, drowning in their own blood from his blades and bullets._

 _He was panting for breath as he searched the compound for the hostages the target had taken—non profit workers trying to provide medical aid to the townspeople. The hallway he was running down never seemed to end, his heart thundering as he continued onward._

 _As he approached the door swung open and a man was pushed out ahead of a man in a keffiyeh, his face covered. Only his angry dark eyes were exposed, but the gun he was pointing at the older man was a clear enough message._

 _The older man lifted his head and his heart stopped._

 _Dad_

 _His father's eyes met his and a broken smile crossed his bloody lips. He spoke his name and the man bashed the butt of the gun against his skull, shouting for him to remain quiet._

 _Rage swelled within him, his fingers gripped the M16A4 tighter as he sighted on the man holding his father hostage._

 _He shouted in a foreign tongue for the man to let his father go, but had to break his eye contact as a trio of men appeared behind him, trying to pepper him with bullets. He returned fire until the men were all dead and whirled back around._

 _His father's face was white with pain, and he could see two bloody spots on his chest. He screamed out in defiance and fired, killing the hostage taker and sprinting down the hallway as his father collapsed._

 _Tossing aside his gun, he gathered his father's head into his lap and fought tears as he struggled to breathe. His father whispered his name one last time and a faint declaration of love, and then, he was gone._

 _His father's blood seeped into his uniform and at the sound of bootsteps he looked up, right into the barrel of a gun._

 _The report of the gun barely rung in his ears before agony enveloped him and he screamed and screamed and screamed._

Rey heard agonized howling coming from Kylo's apartment and fear sluiced through her. Without thinking, she grabbed her baseball bat and ran to his front door, unlocking it with the spare key he had given her.

The apartment was empty, no sign of a break in, but still, she heard deep terrified cries from within. How she had heard them over the thunderstorm outside she wasn't sure, she only knew that his cries tore at her heart and lodged a knot of worry in her chest.

Clutching the bat, she hurried towards the noise, heart thundering with fear.

His bedroom door was cracked open and when she used the end of the bat to push it open, she flinched back at the sight of Kylo on the floor, gun in hand as he let loose a guttural scream.

"Kylo?" she called, eyes darting from the gun to his terrified face. He didn't look at her, didn't acknowledge her, just clutched the gun and wept.

Slowly she edged in the room and made her way to his side, kneeling beside him gently, hoping she wouldn't spook him into using the weapon.

"Kylo, can I take this?" she asked, indicating the gun. He continued to weep and didn't respond to her question, his broad shoulders shaking with broken cries.

Her movements were slow and halting; her hands wrapped around his wrist, her fingers gentle. Kylo flinched and his tears broke off as his head whipped up to glare at her. She smiled tremulously and squeezed his wrist gently, "It's okay Kylo, it's Rey. You're safe, I promise," she whispered.

His glare faded slowly into a look of hurt confusion.

Her fingers slid up to the gun and gently tugged, sighing in relief when he allowed her to take it from his grip. She didn't know anything about guns, so she carefully slid it away and across the floor till it was out of his reach.

Setting her baseball bat aside she shuffled closer on her knees and took his large hand, placing it on her cheek with a weak smile.

"It's me Kylo, it's Rey. It was a nightmare, you're safe," she whispered, nodding as clarity began to fill his eyes. They grew scared and Kylo shuffled back against the wall, shame filling his face as he ripped his hand away from her cheek as though he had been burnt.

"Get away!" he barked hoarsely, "I'll hurt you!" he cried.

Rey shook her head, "No, you won't. You're scared, that's all. It's okay, I am too," she whispered, her thumb stroking over his wrist, feeling his pulse pound under her touch.

He shook his head almost desperately, "Rey _no_ , _please go_ ," he begged, shying away from her gaze.

Sorrow filled Rey at his desperate fear; whatever he had been dreaming about had clearly shaken him. Sitting up straighter, she shook her head, "Tell me what the nightmare was about," she said softly.

"No...no," Kylo rasped, fear making his mouth tight.

Rey took his hand in hers and squeezed gently, smiling when he looked up at her. "Please?" she whispered, "If you tell me it might help bleed some of the poison away," she told him gently.

Kylo stared into her warm hazel eyes and shuddered. If he told her...she would never look at him the same way.

And yet...

He wanted to tell her.

He wanted her to see the monster he was.

He wanted her to tell him he _wasn't_ a killer.

He wanted her to absolve him, wash him clean.

With a shudder he nodded slowly and watched as she sank down, sliding against the wall near him, her hand still holding his in her lap.

It took him a few tries before he could start, and then he couldn't stop.

"My unit was in Kandahar. We had this man with us, Agent Snoke, and he would send us on these missions—black ops stuff—" he explained, "Assassinations, drug smuggling, interrogations, whatever he ordered us to do, we did it."

"After about six months of this shit, we were all starting to burn out. I was pushing hard for us to stop, to try and maintain some little piece of our souls, but he didn't care. We were his personal kill squad and he had another mission for us. We were going into a small village to take out a high priority target with Al Qaeda and retrieve five hostages they had taken. All we knew was that they were with a medical non-profit and had been captured. The village was in this valley, with mountains on three sides and the only open way in was held by Al Qaeda. We weren't given air support and we didn't have an evac plan. It was a suicide mission," he scoffed bitterly.

"It went to shit almost as soon as we hit the ground. Men were dying, injured and bleeding out as we struggled to get into the village. I broke cover and sprinted into the village and fought my way into the compound," he told her, a dark look on his face.

He shook his head, "I don't know how many men I killed. I was soaked in blood. When I finally made it to the center of the compound where the hostages were, they brought one out to try and keep me away. It wasn't until I looked closer that I realized it was my father."

At her soft gasp he nodded, "He was there trying to get medical supplies to the non profit doctors and villagers and had been taken captive with them. I was ambushed by three men and killed them all, but when I turned around I saw that my father had taken two rounds to the chest. I killed the man holding him hostage, but I was too late."

His voice was bitter as he continued, "None of my training was worth a damn against the bullets in his lungs and stomach. He died in my arms."

He fell silent for a long moment and then lifted his free hand to brush his fingers over the scar, "When we were back at base I attacked Agent Snoke, nearly beat him to death. Hux pulled me off and Snoke's men beat me within an inch of my life. I was given a medical discharge and a few weeks later nearly a million dollars appeared in my account. It was hush money, blood money," he spat.

Kylo turned his chin to stare at her, his jaw firm. "I'm a monster," he snarled, "A murderer, and I was responsible for my own fathers' death," he told her, voice breaking with emotion. His dark eyes pled with hers, "I'm not worth the bullets in that gun," he rasped, tears filling his eyes.

Rey's eyes burned and in a swift movement she rose up on her knees and pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he collapsed into her with a sob. His arms clung to her waist as he cried, her shaky fingers furrowing through his thick locks as tears of her own rolled silently down her cheeks.

Kylo clung to her desperately, praying to a god he didn't believe in that she wouldn't leave him, wouldn't hate him. Eventually he became aware of her soft words as she stroked his head.

"You're a good man Kylo Ren. What other people forced you to do does not make you a bad man. You are not responsible for the monstrosity of others. You are a _good_ man," she whispered gently, her voice thick with emotion.

He shook his head weakly and inhaled in surprise when she gripped his hair and pulled his face away from her stomach. Her mouth was firm as she stared down at him, her expression solemn as she slid a hand down to cup his cheek.

"You are a man, not a monster. The man who ordered you to kill is the monster, _not you_. You are not responsible for his monstrosity. You are a good man," she whispered, her gaze earnest now.

Her thumb stroked his cheek gently and a curious look filled her eyes. Leaning down, she rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes as they breathed together, his breaths staccatoed and scared, hers soft and steady.

"You're a good man," she repeated, and Kylo shuddered as her breath warmed his face. Her small body held his larger one close, the warmth of her seeping into his fear frozen limbs. She breathed new life and hope into him with each steady breath, her hands gentle on his face.

He clutched her tighter and shuddered.

"Because of you," he choked out, his eyes meeting hers as they fluttered open in surprise. "Your light makes me a better man," he told her quietly, hoping against hope that she wouldn't be spooked by his confession.

Rey inhaled sharply at his words, emotion flooding her. They stared at each other for a long few moments until she smiled softly and pushed him back slightly, rising to her feet and offering him her hand.

He stared at it, wondering what it would mean if he took it.

"Trust me," she whispered.

 _Trust_...something he hadn't done in a very long time.

His hand shook as he wrapped it around hers, rising to his feet to tower over her. She smiled softly and turned towards his bed, gently guiding him to lay down on the large mattress. He watched in amazement as she lay next to him, her tiny body curling under his covers, scant inches from his own body.

They stared at each other in the silence, listening to the storm raging outside, its fury matching his own storm of emotions.

Rey reached out to lay a hand against his cheek once more, a soft, fond smile gracing her lips. "Don't shy from your light Kylo, it will never harm you," she whispered.

"I don't think I have any light left," he murmured brokenly.

Rey smiled sadly, "I see it, I've felt it. I know you feel it too," she whispered in return.

Kylo stared in awe at her, astounded that she had so much faith in him. "Will you stay?" he asked, fear flooding him that she would leave him here with his nightmares.

She nodded, stroking his cheek gently, "Of course."

His exhale was shaky with relief and before he knew what he was doing he slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Rey stiffened in surprise for a breath and then melted into the embrace, hushing him softly and running her fingers over his broad back.

Their hearts beat in unison as they fell asleep, arms still clutching each other close, the storm still lashing at the windows.

So went the next month.

Kylo would have nightmares and Rey would comfort him, repeating over and over that he was a good man until she could convince him of it enough to encourage him back to bed.

Eventually he would tell her that he could only sleep peacefully when she was with him and she stared at him for a moment before nodding, saying nothing. When she had knocked on his door, a duffle bag of belongings over one shoulder and a warm smile on her lips, he had let her in.

Soon her toothbrush was in his bathroom and she held him close every night.

He still had nightmares, but she was there, holding him, murmuring reassurances and comforting him.

Hux of course noticed the growing intimacy between them and teased Kylo about it until he was forced to reveal that they had never had sex, Rey was simply the only way he could sleep even remotely peacefully at night.

The stunned look on Hux's face was well worth the emotional revelation, and the moment when Rey had dropped a kiss on his cheek in front of the red haired man had sent a spiral of pleasure through him so strongly he had flushed.

As the last of the summer weather waned and fall approached, Kylo began making calls to Duke University, making quiet inquiries until he had all the information he needed.

A few weeks after Labor Day the Rebellion held an end of summer party with a live band, crab boil, and cold beer.

Kylo watched as Rey helped the band set up, offering tips on their equipment and laughing at something the handsome drummer was saying. Jealousy flared in his chest as he watched their interaction, knowing he didn't have a right to be jealous.

Whatever he and Rey had wasn't a formal relationship, she was certainly free to talk to other men, but he found he couldn't stand the sight. Fists balled at his side he strode over and cast the drummer a disdainful look before turning on Rey with a pained smiled, "I need you to take a look at the HVAC," he ordered brusquely.

Rey frowned at his sharp tone but nodded, following him inside after waving goodbye to Finn the drummer. When they were inside, Kylo slammed the door shut behind them and she flinched, frowning when she didn't hear any strange noises from the HVAC.

"What's wrong with the system? It seems fine," she muttered, leaning in for a closer inspection.

"You know that drummer is just trying to fuck you," he snapped in return, silently cursing himself for his words even as he spoke them.

Rey turned on him with wide eyes, "What?!"

"They're all like that, band guys. They only want a one night stand," he told her urgently.

"Ooookay...so what?" she retorted, confused and growing annoyed with his oddness.

"So! He's no good for you! He doesn't deserve you!" Kylo ranted, running his hand through his hair till it was wild and his eyes were dark with anger.

Rey frowned at him, "Has it occurred to you that maybe he just wants to be my friend?" she asked sharply.

Kylo scoffed and shook his head at her innocence.

Rey rolled her eyes, "Kylo, he's gay. He and the lead singer are together. Trust me, he doesn't want me," she assured him.

 _Gay?_

His temper cooled abruptly and his deflated, giving her a sheepish smile. "I, uh, sorry," he muttered cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

She sighed heavily and shook her head at him, "I know." She smiled faintly at him, "I should go help serve food," she told him, brushing past him a moment later.

Kylo silently cursed himself and his stupidity, fearing he had pushed her away with his outburst.

He watched her throughout the evening, trying to determine if she was angry with him, nervous he had damaged whatever it was between them with his unfounded jealousy. The party lasted till nearly 1am, at which point the rain clouds that had been threatening finally broke open and chased away the last of the revelers.

The band packed quickly and Hux bid them a goodbye after helping clean up. Kylo hurried Rey upstairs, worried she would catch a cold from the chilly air and soaked clothes. She shivered under his broad hand, her thin frame quaking.

Worry filled him and he pushed her gently into his bathroom, flipping on the shower and moving to strip her tank top off when she pushed his hands away, staring wide eyed up at him.

"What are you doing?" she whispered roughly, pupils flared wide. He tried to avoid looking at where her nipples pressed against the wet fabric and failed more than once.

"I was...I was just trying to get you warm," he stuttered. "I don't want anything to happen to you," he told her softly. His hand reached for her waist as he stepped closer, looming over her like a shadow.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he murmured, squeezing her hip as his other hand came up to trace over her cheekbones, his gaze fixed on her supple mouth. Her breath came in unsteady pants as he slid his fingers under the wet hem of her shirt, his palm spreading over her bare skin.

Heat sizzled under his touch, a strange energy filling the air between them.

Rey didn't know what this was, but she needed _more_.

As though he had heard her thought, Kylo slid his hand around her back and pulled her closer so that there was just a scant inch between them. She inhaled sharply and swayed into his touch, her chest arching into his firm torso as they stared into each other's eyes.

"You were jealous," she whispered, the truth falling easily between them. He nodded and the embers of whatever _this_ was flared brightly into something hotter, something that threatened to consume them.

She should have been afraid of the feelings he roused within her, how he made her tremble with need she hadn't realized she could feel; but she wasn't. If they continued down this path, everything would change.

A thousand different problems sprang to mind and were quickly dismissed as she stared up into his earnest gaze. She trusted him. Against all the odds, she had found someone she could trust to keep her safe, to give her a sense of home and, if she was honest, love.

She didn't know if Kylo loved her, but she knew he needed her as much as she needed him.

She was slow to rise on her tip toes, her fingers clutching his biceps tightly, the firm muscle flexing beneath her touch as she leaned in to kiss his cheek gently.

Kylo's eyes fluttered shut at the touch, pleasure flushing his skin as Rey's body pressed against his. She sank back to her toes and stepped back, taking a shaky breath as his eyes opened in surprise at her retreat.

Rey breathed unsteadily as her hands went to her tank top, pulling it over her head slowly, dropping it to the floor in a wet slap. Kylo's eyes were wide as she unbuttoned her shorts, sliding them down her slim, toned legs where they joined the wet tank top.

"W-what are you doing?" he rasped, his tongue darting out as she reached behind her back for her bra strap.

Rey smiled softly, "Taking a shower."

Her bra straps sagged and then the cups slid away from her breasts, revealing dusky peaked nipples and soft curves.

His chest ached and Kylo belatedly remembered to breathe, feeling as though the air had been punched from him. Rey slid her fingers under the waistband of her underwear and with a nervous breath, slid them down and onto the wet pile of clothes.

When she stepped towards him Kylo inhaled unevenly, watching as she reached for his shirt. "You'll catch a cold," she whispered as she tugged at the shirt, smiling when he bent his torso down for her to pull it off.

Rey spread her hands over his bare chest, eyes wide as she took in his size. She had seen him many times without a shirt as he boxed or cooked or slept, but this...this was different.

This was intimate.

Gently she pushed him into the wall and smiled up at him, "Come on," she urged before stepping into the shower and humming softly as the steaming water cascaded over her skin.

Kylo stared at her in a daze, watching as water beaded on her skin and trailed over her tanned limbs. After a moment he stirred and stripped the remained of his clothes off, hesitating for a moment at the door of the shower.

Rey glanced at him over her shoulder and smiled softly, reaching a hand back towards him and curling her fingers in a soft _come here_ movement. He sighed in relief; she really did want him.

Closing the shower door behind them, he stepped in behind her and silently thanked his past self for installing such a large shower. He hovered behind her for a few moments and then stepped closer, till just a few inches separated them.

His hands were shaky when he reached out, hesitating millimeters from her skin as his heart thundered in his chest. Rey could feel him behind her and turned her chin, glancing over her shoulder at him, her heart aching at the indecision and fear in his eyes.

She turned around and watched his eyes widen and his lips part on a sharp inhalation. Smiling softly she stepped closer, tilting her chin to stare up at him. "You can touch me Kylo," she murmured gently, startling him from his reverent stare.

His eyes snapped to hers and a soft frown marred his mouth.

"What is it?" she asked softly, worry filling her.

Kylo's heart stuttered. He wanted to tell her _so_ badly.

His brow furrowed and his mouth worked for a moment before he huffed, "Ben."

Rey's brows came together in confusion, "Ben?"

He nodded, "It's my real name. Ben Solo. I changed it before I entered the Marines to spite my parents."

She understood immediately—Kylo Ren was the man who had been forced to murder, pillage and destroy. He didn't want to be that man anymore, he wanted to be Ben again.

Warmth flooded her chest and a brilliant smile left him breathless. Rey stood on her tip toes and slid her hands across his shoulders, her wet body pressing to his as she hugged him, her face burying in his throat.

Ben held statue still for a moment before his arms wound hungrily around her and pulled her even closer.

"Hi, Ben," she whispered, her lips brushing against his throat.

Something rippled through his chest to hear his name on her lips in that tone of voice; that tone that spoke not just of friendship, but something more.

She pulled her face from his throat and smiled at him, her eyes sparkling softly. His head bent forward, bringing his lips closer to hers, unsteady breaths rattling his chest. With a sweet smile, Rey tilted her chin to meet him, her mouth slightly open as their lips met.

 _Home_

This was home, this was heaven, this was _everything_.

His large hands splayed across her back, pressing her into his chest as his mouth moved across hers, fingertips trailing up her spine sensuously, slowly. He cupped her head and moved slowly, turning them so he could press her into the shower wall, the steaming water cascading over their bodies from various waterfall shower heads.

Rey panted as his lips slid across her jaw and over her throat. He was slow, deliberate, taking his time to map out her body with his mouth and his hands. Rey shuddered as his teeth closed on her throat and began worrying her skin until she moaned with pleasure at the growing sensation.

The sound of her throaty moan made a similar noise growl in his throat, his hips rolling into hers, his growing arousal evident. Ben licked a hot stripe on her throat before kneeling abruptly to take one of her nipples into his mouth.

Rey cried out thinly at the shocking sensation, her head falling back against the wall and her fingers furrowing through his wet hair. His tongue was dancing over her sensitive bud, teasing it until she was panting with desire and mewling softly.

When he switched to her neglected breast his hand came up to continue the exquisite torture, sending spiraling waves of pleasure through her. Rey felt the familiar heat building in her belly, the aching need she had either ignored or pitifully tried to banish with her own touch.

She had thought of him when she touched herself, imagining it was his broad hands cupping her breast, his trigger calloused fingers sliding into her wetness, his voice in her ear as she came.

She whimpered when his mouth abandoned her breasts but inhaled noisily when she realized he was mouthing his way down her taut stomach, sucking more marks onto her hip before he turned his face up to hers.

Panting softly, she met his gaze dazedly, her fingers curling in his hair. _I love you_ her heart pounded, but she bit her lip to keep the words from spilling out.

Ben stared adoringly up at her, "You're incredible," he whispered, his fingers squeezing on her hips. She flushed and lifted a hand to stroke over his cheek, cupping his face gently, her thumb brushing over his full bottom lip until he leaned in and captured it between his teeth, closing his lips around it to suck.

Rey hissed in pleasure and he released her, turning his mouth to her hip for a swift kiss, his mouth trailing down her thigh and then in, to where she wanted him most.

A whine slid from her throat when his tongue slid between her slick lips, tasting her arousal before darting up to flick at her clit.

 _Ben_

It was a soft gasp of his name and a curling of her fingers in his hair, her voice throaty with need as he continued, his own arousal almost painful. He devoured her, as though he was afraid she would disappear and he would never get the chance to do so again.

Pleasure swelled within Rey, her thighs trembling as it crashed into like the tide against the shore; relentless and powerful.

 _Benbenben_

His name was like a prayer on her lips, her cries of pleasure growing as he slid first one finger and then another into her, crooking against that spot within her that left her knees weak and her pulse pounding in her head.

 _Pleasepleaseplease_

Ben groaned softly against her as she chanted breathily, her hips rolling into his mouth and fingers. He rubbed at the spot vigorously, listening as her cries grew higher, needier, and a few moments later she was shattering around him.

Rey clutching Ben's hair so tightly it must have hurt but she couldn't think; only feel. Her pulse sang with pleasure, her gasps of his name were whiny and strangled as he sucked her clit, his fingers still rubbing within her.

It seemed to last forever and then as he drew away, slowed, abated.

Ben rose on shaky legs to loom over her, his hands caging her in as he kissed her, his hips seeking hers out. A groan slid from his throat as she licked into his mouth and his heavy cock slid against her damp skin.

Blindly he reached out and shut off the water, pulling her into his arms, his hands sliding under her ass to lift her. Her legs wound around his hips, her arms around his neck as he carried her into his bedroom.

They kissed hungrily, soft noises of pleasure joining together as they panted for air, clutching each other as they collapsed onto the bed.

Ben lay heavily between her legs, kissing her slowly, fingers winding through her wet locks. Rey sank into the embrace, her fingers curling around his broad waist, her nails biting his skin softly. His body dwarfed hers, but it didn't suffocate her as it might have—no, it felt like protection, like _home_.

She whispered his name against his lips, her eyes fluttering open to meet his dark gaze, a sweet smile on her face.

 _Now_ she whispered and he nodded, his forehead resting on hers. He whispered a soft query- _condom_ \- and she shook her head, whispering back that she had an IUD.

Ben shuddered as his cock slid between her wet folds, gathering the slick there before he positioned himself carefully and thrust into her, taking his time. Rey whimpered at the intrusion, the swelling sensation making her pulse jump and her throat dry.

Ben stilled, worried.

Rey's eyes flew open and she gasped softly _keep going_.

He growled softly and thrust home, her soft cry of pleasure sending shivers over his spine. His head dropped to her shoulder, his breathing ragged. After a moment she rolled her hips and he took the cue, withdrawing just as slowly before he thrust home once more.

Rey's hands clutched desperately at his sides, a soft keening noise coming from her throat as he plunged slowly, deliberately into her. It was a torture of the best kind.

Heat built between them until they were glistening with a sheen of sweat; Ben's hips still moving as slowly as he could manage.

He wanted to imprint this feeling forever in his mind—how she felt clutching at his sides, her nails biting his skin.

How her walls fluttered and tightened around him as he found that spot within her, hitting it over and over again.

How her throat rasped as she chanted his name, _Ben please Ben_.

His lips closed around her nipple once more, sucking and teasing as he thrust within her, his thrusts growing harder, faster.

Rey whined at the building sensation, her body aching for release. It wasn't enough, and all at once, it was too much.

When his hand not wound in her hair slid between them and began stroking her clit, she cried out brokenly, body arching into him.

 _Yesyesyes_

Whimpers died in her throat as sensation swelled within her, her thighs shaking where they clung to his waist, her heels digging into the backs of his thighs.

 _ReyReyRey_

He gasped her name as heat boiled in his stomach, the need to come nearly overwhelming. His mouth switched between breasts, sucking marks onto her soft skin. His thrusts were growing erratic as he tried to stave off his oncoming release.

With a particularly sharp thrust he nudged against the tender spot within her and sent her careening over the cliff into release. Her body arched and shook with its intensity, her walls fluttering and pulsing around him.

Ben growled against her throat, her name rasping in his throat as he shuddered and thrust, crying out as he came within her. Rey clung to him, one of her hands fisting his hair and pulling his mouth up to hers for a desperate kiss.

They shuddered in each other's arms, breaths rasping against their lips as their bodies moved slower, slower, slower. Finally, Ben stilled, bracing his arms by her head to rest his forehead against hers, his eyes closed as he panted.

Rey clung to him and trembled; she had never experienced pleasure like that before. Sure, she had been with other men, but there hadn't been this level of intimacy. Rubbing her nose gently against his, she smiled when his eyes opened to look into hers.

"Rey," he breathed her name gently and kissed her sweetly, their chests rolling into each other with each panting breath.

A smile curled her lips and a few moments later when he slid out of her and rolled onto his side next to her, she turned to face him, fingers curling against his face softly. Ben watched her as she trailed her fingers over his face, tracing along the lines of his brow, down his nose and around his strong jaw.

He felt like home, she decided and with a soft noise of pleasure, she slid into his chest, her face nuzzling his throat. Ben felt something in his chest unknot and swallowed hard, his arms winding around her to hold her close.

 _I love you_

He didn't say it out loud.

Not yet.

He made her breakfast the next morning, balancing the food on a tray, his heart skipping at the plain white envelope next to her cup of coffee. He stood in the doorway a moment, watching her sleep.

"Rey," he called softly, watching as she roused and gazed sleepily at him from beneath his covers.

A smile curled his full mouth and he carried the tray to her, setting it down onto her lap as she sat up eagerly, her stomach growling loudly enough for them both to hear and laugh at. His hip nudged against hers as she eyed the tray happily.

"Open the envelope first," Ben murmured nervously, nodding in encouragement when she gave him a curious look.

The envelope was plain, white, revealing nothing about its contents. Her finger slid beneath the seal and opened it carefully, pulse thrumming with nervous excitement.

She unfolded the papers within and read, eyes growing wide as realization slammed into her. Breathless, she lifted her gaze to stare at Ben, hope struggling against bitter realism.

"I-I can go to Duke...for _free_?" she demanded, voice barely above a whisper.

Ben nodded, hope nearly strangling his heart. "They remembered your parents and wondered what had happened to you. When I told them that you wanted to go to college they told me that they would offer you a full ride. You're going to college Rey," he whispered.

Her eyes blurred with tears, joy bursting forth from her carefully built walls around her heart. Shoving the tray of food aside she leaned forward, hand curling around the nape of his neck and drew him in for a fierce kiss.

 _ThankyouThankyouThankyou_

She whispered it like a prayer against his mouth, and he could taste her tears as she wept joyously.

Six months later

Rey curled into Ben's side as she studied for her exam, smiling faintly as he played with her hair, the tv soft. She wanted to get as much of her studying out of the way as possible—his mother was coming to stay the weekend, and Rey hated spending time studying when Leia was in town.

" _In other news, local mechanic Unkar Plutt has been arrested for child abuse, wage theft, underage labor, unfair labor practices, and numerous other charges._ "

Rey smiled softly; Ben had encouraged her to press charges against Unkar, and to her surprise, the county prosecutor was very interested in pursuing the case. Three other foster kids had come forward with additional charges, and they were assured that the case was going to be air tight.

Sighing softly, she highlighted one last passage and shut her book, setting it aside before she snuggled into Ben. He smiled down at her and kissed her temple gently, "Done for the evening?" he asked quietly.

She nodded happily, "Done."

"Good," he murmured before kissing her, "I want plenty of time with you before my mom comes tonight," he told her.

Rey snickered, "Hasn't stopped you before," she teased.

Ben laughed and slid his hand under her shirt, his eyes darkening with desire. Rey sat a little straighter and slid smoothly into his lap, her arms twining around his neck.

"I love you Ben Solo," she murmured, leaning in to kiss him softly.

Ben's hand splayed across her back, holding her close as he kissed her back intently. He never got tired of hearing her say those words.

He still woke up from screaming nightmares, was still weighed down by guilt and anger many days, but her light gave him strength, gave him hope. When she had agreed to move in with him two months ago, he had nearly wept with joy.

His mother hadn't visited since they had moved in together, her work as a Senator keeping her busy. He had talked to her though, twice a week, nearly every week. When he had gone up two weeks ago to ask her for his grandmother's wedding ring, she had cried, holding him close, whispering how his father would be so proud of him.

It had sent a hurt through him that left him bleary eyed and clutching to her like he had as a child.

But now, now he would be able to welcome her into _their_ home, into the place that Rey had saved him, had told him she trusted him, loved him.

The bond between them was something that had changed each of them, lighting his way out of the darkness and giving her the strength to battle her own dark past.

They would be together, forever.

He kissed her back sweetly then, murmuring softly, "I love you Rey, forever."

 _SO...this is my contribution to the Reylo fandom. I've worked on this for like two weeks, and I hope that it's okay. I love this fandom and I'm so excited for TLJ in just two weeks! If you enjoy this story, please let me know, or drop an idea on me with other prompts here in the comments or on tumbler-I'm adoctoraday or thebuckybrigade-and thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this not so little one-shot! If you're a fan of The Punisher tv show you might notice that Ben/Kylo has a similar back story as Frank Castle, but it's not my intention to rip off the show-I was just inspired by a storyline and ran with it. So yea, I hope it's enjoyable, and thank you again for reading! Comments are LIFE!_


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